I think I’m FINALLY getting used to being at home all day, every day. My kalimba arrived and it’s really nice.
I don’t feel that lonely. I play games with my BFF almost every night and we also exercise and draw together. She recently got a drawing tablet. I wouldn’t be doing these three things as much if it weren’t for her, to be honest. (Everything is done virtually.)
I watch shows with my other friends. We’re also practicing the kalimba together since we ordered together. & of course, I have my family, online friends, and a few other close friends.
Today was supposed to be my graduation ceremony. I have gone through it once already when I got my BA in Psychology in 2018, but I was still looking forward to it. I’m glad that it got cancelled because it’s not safe to do it right now. At the same time, I’m a little upset. I’ve seen classmates write that they are grateful and other positive things, but I’m allowed to be mad, aren’t I? Sorry, but I’m not as cheerful as others.
Anyway, perhaps writing this post will brighten my mood.
8. I’m grateful to be able to work from home.
I quit one of my jobs, and I was able to do that because of my other jobs! I feel fortunate that I can shop online (one of the things that brings me joy) and more importantly, pay my bills during this time.
9. Ihave more time to watch shows.
If it wasn’t for quarantine, I wouldn’t have the time to watch this many shows. Watching a show is like exploring a whole new world. I’ve learned a lot about various topics through different series… Now to think of it, I think I’m quite knowledgeable about a wide range of topics.
10. I have time to replay my favourite video game.
My brother is still doing high school online and he uses my laptop to complete his assignments. I naturally ended up playing on the Xbox 360 whenever he went on my laptop. I’ve started replaying Lost Odyssey and I’m having a lot of fun with it.
11. I have time to try out new recipes.
Cooking is quite fun. It’s satisfying when your food and drinks turn out good. I think I’ve improved as well.
12. I’ve improved my driving.
Since public transit isn’t super safe right now, I’ve been waking up at 6 AM six days a week to drive my mom to work. I also pick her up from work and do all the driving for grocery shopping since I’m the sole driver in my family. My sleep schedule is not ideal, but it is what it is.
I’m 23, just graduated from university with two degrees and feel this way for everything I do. Blogging, cosplaying, photography, drawing, school, work… I can’t even remember when I did not have such feelings of just being ordinary. Shouta Kisa from Sekai Ichi Hatsukoi is 30 and feels this way. Is it bad that I’ve felt this at a much younger age? Have I ever felt gung-ho about anything?
Truth be told, my Why Do I Blog? and Why Do I Cosplay? posts were written to help myself decide if I should continue to blog and cosplay. Like Kisa, I don’t feel depressed about this. I’m just being realistic.
RE: My What’s Your Ultimate Talent? (Danganronpa Inspired Post!) Click HERE to read it. I now have an answer to my own question I wrote at the end of that post. I used to be unsure, but now I think I would rather be the best at one talent instead being kind of good at multiple talents.
OK, this may all sound pessimistic as heck but since I’ve wrestled with these thoughts for a long time, here’s what helped me:
I think about my favourite singers and bands. Some are very popular and famous, while others are lesser known. Don’t I like them all the same? Isn’t it just personal preference? I don’t see anyone giving up, either.
I am not the best at anything I do, and it’s not something I’m striving for, either. I just want to continue to do my hobbies because it brings me some joy. That’s all.
When we keep our expectations of this world and of ourselves low, there will be less disappointment and heartache later on.
I thought I would write about the good things that have happened to me since quarantine. I’ve been at home since around March 16. I encourage you all to do the same!! Feel free to write in the comments about the positive things that have happened to you.
1. I’ve had more time to cosplay.
2. I’ve drawn stuff! I also quickly stopped drawing after that but I still drew three drawings and I’m happy about that.
3. A couple of blogger friends watched Yesterday wo Utatte after I wrote my Episode 1 Impressions post. Thank you! It always makes me happy when people watch the shows I recommend.
4. I’ve started working out regularly at home. I haven’t exercised like this since grade 11 high school… That was 7 years ago…
5. I’ve been video calling and voice chatting with my friends. We’ve played games, exercised, and watched shows online together. Before I mainly ate at restaurants with my friends so these are kind of new activities.
I’ve also mailed out a birthday letter and a ‘I’m thinking about you’ card to my friends. While I could have just written my messages online, I think there is something special about having a physical copy.
7. I’ve ordered a kalimba. I want to learn how to play Wu Ji, a song from The Untamed. A couple of my friends have ordered it with me. We’re going to learn how to play this song together.
I’m sure there are more good things that have happened to me this past month. Maybe I am not as pessimistic as I think I am. :p
I was mindlessly scrolling through Instagram (this is nothing new) and I came across this meme.
I immediately thought about Tonegawa from Kaiji. So I rewatched his speeches and I really like this one.
Normally, those people would never wake up from their fantasy worlds. They live meaningless lives. They waste their precious days over nothing. No matter how old they get, they’ll continue to say, “My real life hasn’t started yet. The real me is still asleep, so that’s why my life is such garbage.” They continue to tell themselves that. And they age. Then die. And on their deathbeds, they will finally realize: the life they lived was the real thing. People don’t live provisional lives, nor do they die provisional deaths. That’s a simple fact! The problem… is whether they realize that simple fact.” – Yukio Tonegawa
Frankly, I felt called out. I often tell myself that I don’t belong here and that I wish I could teleport to another world. That I feel like an alien sometimes. I frequently think, “If only I could do this… If only I had this…”
Tonegawa’s speech makes a lot of sense to me. Whatever fantasy world I’m dreaming of, I need to wake up from it. I need to recognize that I am living my real life right now. It is a simple fact…
Let’s say you recognize that you’ve been wasting your life away. Then what?? Thinking is easy, but taking action is not.
I thought I would write a little update because quite a few people have asked how I’ve been. Mostly everyone I know is staying at home.
I’ve been at home for… around 9 days now. Staying home doesn’t bother me because I’ve always preferred staying at home. I’ve always hated hot weather, the rain, the snow, exercising, waiting for the bus, loud sounds, the list goes on… Right now isn’t so different from my old life. I’m used to it.
I’ve been pretty busy finishing practicum and my course. I just need to put in one more day of work to finish my last course of my degree! I’ve also been working from home.
In my spare time, I’ve been watching anime and dramas, cosplaying, playing games on my PS Vita, drawing, listening to music, watching YouTube videos, and reading manga, webtoons and fan fiction. Not much has changed from before…
I would have liked to admire the cherry blossoms and drink bubble tea with my friends. I miss bubble tea a lot. There are more important issues in the world though.
I’ve written about why I blog, so this time I’ll write about why I cosplay.
It’s fun. I like fashion and clothes.
It’s a way to show my love of anime.
It’s cool to own things from anime. For example, I have Luffy’s straw hat from One Piece, Kaneki’s mask from Tokyo Ghoul, a No Face mask from Spirited Away, Mitsuha’s hair tie/bracelet from Your Name, and a lot more stuff. I don’t care much about expensive, brand name things but I like to own things from anime because I think it’s cool.
Cosplay is a creative outlet.
I get to look different anytime I want. For example, I’ve cosplayed as Nana Osaki from Nana (punk look) and I’ve cosplayed as several boy characters. I’ve cosplayed as child characters and as mother characters too. Even my day-to-day style changes all the time. I don’t like to be restricted to one style because I like to feel free and fluid.
Cosplay has helped improve my self-confidence. I cosplay for myself. I am happy when people tell me that they like my cosplays, but my own self-perception is really important. When you see photos that you feel proud about, there is a feeling of self-satisfaction which ultimately boosts your self-esteem.
I’ve met cool people through cosplay and it has also reaffirmed my friendships because it feels so good when you are supported by friends.
It’s a way to spend time. I spend most of my free watching shows but cosplay is a break from watching something.
ReLIFE is about a 27-year-old NEET (Not in Education, Employment, or Training) named Arata Kaizaki, who is given the opportunity to return to high school for one year. He takes a pill that gives him a youthful appearance. The perks of agreeing to this is free rent for a year and a job when the year is over. He will retain his memories of the year but the catch is that everyone else will forget that he existed. ReLife is an experiment that allows people such as Arata to start over.
If I participated in the ReLife program, what would I do differently?
I graduated high school in 2014. I got accepted into a good university and I’m currently in my final year of my second degree. I think I am doing well but there are things that I would do differently.
1. I would take Chinese and Japanese language courses (if my high school offered them). I would do this if I had to redo university too. My Chinese is not bad, but it could be better. If I could read Japanese, I would read so much raw manga and untranslated light novels and novels- the same for Chinese too. Knowing these languages would help with my hobbies so much.
Actually I don’t think I want to dive too deeply into high school. I’m pretty content not thinking about it LOL. I am happier now than when I was in elementary school and high school, so I think that I did some things right to get to where I am now… 🙂
High school is also the time when I created this blog. If it wasn’t for becoming close with my dear friend Maya, who inspired me to start my blog, I’m not sure if I would have started one.