I was reading Kaiji Part 6, 賭博堕天録カイジ 24億脱出編 and these pages stood out to me.
Basically, Kurosaki owns a campervan that he hasn’t used. He tells Endo his dream of travelling all over Japan in his campervan. He has a pile of books he hasn’t read and plans to read them. Endo thinks that if Kurosaki hasn’t read a short 200-page book yet, then it won’t happen. Endo also thinks that this is all a fantasy; that Kurosaki will be bored of this kind of life in less than a month.
This made me think. I also have a pile of books I haven’t read yet. I keep buying books with the intention of reading them but I buy books faster than I can read them. There is a Japanese word for it and it’s “tsundoku.” Endo’s line, “Maybe you’re not even suited to reading books in the first place?” felt like it was calling me out on a personal level. I’ve probably read over 10,000 chapters of manga but when it comes to novels, maybe I’m too optimistic.
Sometimes I think about throwing my phone in a river and living in a cottage. I think about it again then realize that I would be bored in less than a day. I long for a simple life, but I think I secretly crave for something much more chaotic.
This is the kind of person I am.
Wretched and Divine 